Sunday, April 26, 2009

Playoff Truth Or Dare

Every game offers more evidence that this year's playoffs are a two team race between Cleveland and LA. The other 13 teams (adios, Detroit) have too many glaring weaknesses to take down either of the Big Two. With that in mind, I'd like to offer up my version of Playoff Truth Or Dare, where I ask the contenders a tough question and challenge them to do something about it. Some of these suggestions pertain to strategy for this year, some are more based on long term solutions.

Truth: After watching Shitbury put up an abysmal -17 plus/minus in a mere 5 minutes of PT yesterday, can you, Celtics brass, finally admit it was a mistake to sign him?
Dare: Bench his ass for the remainder of the postseason and make do with Eddie House as your backup PG.

Truth: Why the fuck are Vinny Del Negro and Del Harris coaching your team? It's like having a caddy that can't tell the difference between a putter and a nine iron.
Dare: Now that you have a star to build around (Derrick Rose), give him a real coach to listen to before he gets all Ricky Davis on your ass.

Truth: Have you noticed that Miami doesn't have a decent center on their roster? No, wise ass, Jamaal Magloire and Joel Anthony do not qualify.
Dare: Instead of jacking up 15-20 3s a game, pound the ball inside to Al Horford. Attack the fucking basket with slashers Smith, Williams and Johnson. Get DWade in foul trouble. Quit being pussies.

Truth: You're resting your playoff hopes on Jermaine O'Neal staying healthy? Really?
Dare: This offseason, find a big man not named Jamaal Magloire or Joel Anthony.

Truth: Are you serious about having Paul Millsap replace the almost-certainly departing Carlos Boozer as your PF next year?
Dare: You're not going to win this series against LA, anyway. Start Millsap now and get him some playoff experience so he'll be ready next postseason.

Truth: Do you honestly believe you can win a ring with a PF (Nene) playing center for you?
Dare: Admit you fucked up and find a way to get Marcus Camby back next year.

Truth: Do you really think you can win a series playing Steve Blake 30 minutes a game?
Dare: Move Roy to point, play Rudy at 2. AND definitely start thinking about ways to acquire Deron Williams or CP3 this offseason (they both have opt out clauses).

Truth: Can you admit now that Crazy McLazy actually WAS the reason for all those first round losses?
Dare: Do anything in your power to ensure that he never wears a Rockets uni again.

San Antonio
Truth: Why are you still giving big minutes to Michael Finley and Matt Bonner?
Dare: Take the air out the ball and play half-court, defensive, Spurs basketball. To use the old adage, 'Dance with what brung ya.' Give that PT to Bowen, Udoka, George Hill and Dirty Kurty. Dallas is soft; get physical and give them a chance to prove it.

Truth: Do you honestly think you have a title shot just because you're beating the Manu-less Spurs?
Dare: Rebuild this entire roster, Cuban. You'll see in about two weeks (or less) that it doesn't work. Trade Dirk. Trade Kidd. Trade Howard. Start over.

In closing, I should also point out that my predictions for this year's playoffs, particularly the Western Conference, have been pretty horrific so far. I had Portland, New Orleans and San Antonio advancing and two of those three teams are teetering on the brink of extinction. Who knows? Maybe there's a miracle comeback on the horizon. The NBA is where amazing happens, right? I think I just puked in my mouth a little.

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