Sunday, January 31, 2010

Loose Balls

*52 for Andre Miller. Wow. Just wow. Nate McMillan suddenly realized that very few guards in the league can handle Andre in the post. That's only been the case for eight years or so. But by all means, relegate him to a spot up shooter once Roy returns, Coach.

*When Big Baby reached out to the public for a new nickname, the fat jokes came fast and furious. My personal fav: Dunkin' Donuts.

*The Coach Of The Year race is super interesting this year. If the voting happened today, these would be my top three- Larry Brown, Scott Brooks and Lionel Hollins. In truth, Phil Jackson should win this award every year but that's just too easy. I've bashed Nate's handling of Andre but he's managed to stay competitive with Juwan Howard as his starting C and a handful of young and untested players (Bayless, Pendergraph, Cunningham) in the rotation. Props.

*John Hollinger recently stated the Luke Ridnour was his choice for Most Improved Player. I can say with great certainty that Luke's game hasn't changed a bit since he played for the Sonics. He's exactly the same player, no better or worse. Sometimes the stats lie. Hollinger also proposed Floppy Varejao for Defensive Player Of The Year. Now, I love Andy's game (not so much his hair or his floppiness) but there's no way he's a better defender than Dwight Howard. Ridonkulous.

Pictured: Floppy throwing himself to the floor in dramatic fashion

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Big Greg's Third Leg Casts Long Shadow

The blogosphere is alive with excitement over Greg Oden's sexting scandal. Ridiculous. What Oden does in his own home with his then-girlfriend might make for tantalizing gossip but is it really anything he should have to publicly apologize for? We're not in church. He's not a politician relying on our trust. Ultimately, the freaky shit he does on his own time shouldn't really be our business, right? And who hasn't either taken a picture of themselves naked or taken one of your partner while having sex? C'mon, let's see those hands up. Liars.

And does anyone else find it incredibly ironic/hypocritical that it's perfectly OK for Oden (or any other player for that matter) to walk around naked in the locker room while interviews are being conducted but somehow he's a horrible person for sending a nude pic of himself to his lady?

It's just a dick. Most men are born with 'em (George Karl and David Stern, notwithstanding). The sight of Oden's dong shouldn't send people screaming into the streets. And he shouldn't have to apologize for showing it to his special someone.

OK, I'll get off my soapbox for a minute.

Similar to Washington's current quagmire with Gil Arenas, the Blazers brass now has the option to be total douchebags and play the morality card to try and lower Oden's asking price when his current contract expires. The public, caught up in their finger-pointing and posturing, wouldn't blame the team for distancing themselves from the oft-injured and mercurial Oden. How the team handles this issue moving forward will say way more about their character than that of their troubled young center.

And this is totally off-topic but worth noting: when I first saw the Oden photo, my reaction was pure joy that he had stayed in such good shape during his rehab. Then I found out that the picture was taken two years ago and I was immediately disappointed. That's how much of a hoops junkie I am. Sad but true.

Anyway, keep your chin (and your dick) up, Greg. Focus on getting that knee ready. And know that most of these people crying about the photo are uptight dipshits.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Move Those Fucking Camera Guys!

Sacto C Jon Brockman busted his head open when he tumbled into a baseline camera guy tonight. Portland PG Andre Miller also went flying into a baseline camera guy in the Blazers/Sixers game, only this time it was the camera guy who ended up with blood streaming down his face.


First of all, it's a terrible angle for watching basketball, one that's rarely used in a broadcast. It's kind of like watching a football game from behind the goalposts. But if the league absolutely has to have camera guys there, can't they at least move these motherfuckers back five feet and put a low, cushioned wall there so that players aren't running headfirst into large chunks of metal and plastic at full speed? Or maybe a piece of plexi-glass like the NHL does.

One of these days, a player's gonna fly into that row of cameras and get seriously injured, I guarantee it. Picture this: Lebron James comes down on the fast break, absorbs the predictably hard foul from Kendrick Perkins, goes sailing into the cameras and breaks his fucking neck. Or slices one of his fingers completely off. Don't think it can't happen.

UPDATE: CP3 out 1-2 months after collision w camera guy

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

To The Looney Bin In 2010!

What a freaky start to the New Year!

Gilbert Arenas has been suspended and declared "not currently fit to take the floor" by King Douche himself, despite the fact that several Wizards teammates were amused by Inmate Zero's locker room "joke" (his word, not mine) involving several unloaded firearms.

Ron Artest had to receive clearance from his neurologist to play in the Lakers recent contest against Houston. In case you missed it, Ron Ron had an outer body experience that he can't remember, resulting in a nasty fall down some stairs that cracked the back of his head open. Hennessey, Ecstasy or Insanity? In Lakerland, nobody seems to care. The event's been completely buried by the team. If that happened to Vlad Radmanovic, Phil Jackson would've hired private investigators to ferret out the truth. Just saying.

Former rebounding specialist and "accidental" murderer Jayson Williams rammed his car into a tree while intoxicated and then told police that he wasn't the driver, even though he was the only passenger in the vehicle. Williams was also unaware that the entire crash was captured on camera. Double doh.

But perhaps the most improbable of all these bizarre occurrences is the Memphis Grizzlies moving over the .500 mark behind MVP-caliber play of legendary loser, Zach Randolph. He's even passing the ball and playing defense! A real head scratcher. Until you remember that it's his contract year. Maybe it's not so crazy after all.

Pictured: the old Z-Bo would've shot both these balls already, right?