David Lee, Meet Michael Cage

Michael Cage was a rebounding specialist who played for 15 years in the NBA. During his third season with the LA Clippers, he got the opportunity to start and made the most of it, averaging 15.7 points and an eye-popping 11.5 rebounds per game. His fourth season was also impressive as he put up 14.5/13. The Clippers combined record for those two seasons was 29-135. Yes, you're reading that correctly. 29-135.

The Seattle Sonics (remember them?) were intrigued enough by his rebounding prowess to trade for him. Cage played six progressively less productive seasons with Seattle before bouncing around with Cleveland, Philly and Jersey. He never came close to matching his numbers with that dreadful Clipper shipwreck.

David Lee just finished his fourth season with the hapless New York Knicks, who were so desperate for rebounding that they were starting the 6'9 PF at center. In his first three seasons combined, Lee started 55 games. This past year, he started 74. His numbers? 16 and 11.7. On a team that won 32 games and finished in last place.

Lee's agent is trying to get him 12 mil a year. But these ain't Isiah's Knicks anymore. Walsh knows better. The team's offering a one-year deal, which is the equivalent of saying, "Bail us out for another year until we can get somebody better."

Many Knick fans are rushing to Lee's defense, pointing out his league-leading number of double-doubles last season, while ignoring the fact that he got absolutely torched on defense. These rabid fans even go so far as to suggest that he's an All-Star.

Lee's no All-Star. He's a role player- a rebounder- just like Dale Davis, Rick Mahorn, Tyrone Hill, PJ Brown and Michael Cage before him. Except without the defense. And in Cage's case, the awesome Jheri Curl.

Loose Balls- Tuesday

CAVS: FORCE OR FLUKE?
Cleveland's sitting purty atop the Central at 10-3 but a closer look at their schedule shows that they've beaten up on patsies (Charlotte, Indy) while losing to the league's elite (Boston, New Orleans). Sure, they defeated Utah, but only because the Jazz were playing without Deron Williams, Memo Okur and AK47. The Cavs November and December calendar is softer than tissue paper but we'll know after a tough stretch in January that features the Lakers, Hornets and Jazz whether or not Cleveland's legit.

CLIPS/KNICKS: AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
The Zach Randolph for Cuttino Mobley/Tim Thomas trade has apparently hit a snag because of questions over Mobley's heart, SI reports. Certainly the irony isn't lost on hoops fans who've watched Z-Bo meander through eight full seasons of basketball with absolutely no heart whatsoever.

BLAZERS/KINGS GET FUGLY
This article in the Oregonian perfectly sums up the shitfest that was last night's Portland/Sacto 'contest.' Brandon Roy- good. Everything else in this game- putrid. Greg Oden looked completely lost trying to guard the Kings bigs (Brad Miller and Spencer 'Lil' Brad' Hawes) out on the perimeter. And is it just me, or is Lil' Brad pulling a 'Single White Female' and totally stealing Big Brad's look?

Pictured: Big Brad & Lil' Brad jump around against NO

Eastern Conference Predictions 2008/9

The big Qs- Can Boston repeat? Will Detroit rebuild? Does Lebron leave Cleveland? Does Marion get traded? Why did D'Antoni take that job?

ATLANTIC DIVISION
Boston Celtics (55-27)
Losing James Posey will definitely hurt. Don't forget that throughout their march to the ring, Doc referred to Posey as 'the fourth member of the Big Three', whatever the fuck that means. I'm also expecting slippage due to post-title complacency and the Limberger effect of Darius Miles. No repeat here.

Toronto Raptors (48-34)
Did you know that Jermaine O'Neal makes twenty million dollars this year? That's a lot of scratch for a guy who plays the same position as Chris Bosh. I know, I know, it's the East, 'Jermaine can play center.' But he's not a center, right? He's a power forward, and a brittle one at that. Underrated Anthony (Don't Call Me Candace) Parker and Jamario Moon will continue to compensate for the overall suckiness of former #1, Andrea Bargnani.

Philadelphia Sixers (43-39)
Don't get me wrong, I like Elton Brand. I do. But Philly got to the playoffs last year by trapping and running off of turnovers. Not exactly Elton's forte. Also, I can't help but think that having EB down low on offense means less open floor for slashers like Iggy, Thaddeus Young and Andre Miller.

New York Knicks (25-57)
OK, here's where it starts to get ugly. D'Antoni wants to play uptempo but he's got a roster full of slugs. Only Jamal Crawford, David Lee and Wilson Chandler are good fits. Everyone else is available for sixty cents on the dollar. On the bright side, those slugs will get plenty of shots to pad their stats, making them easier to deal.

New Jersey Nets (23-59)
Is Vince Carter really the guy you want around your young, impressionable players? Expect VC to get moved when the Nets drop out of contention...by the third week of the season.



CENTRAL DIVISION
Detroit Pistons (57-25)
Joe Dumars has a reputation for recognizing talent. I'm quite certain that Kwame Brown has absolutely no talent whatsoever. Fortunately, this squad still has Rip, Chauncey, Rasheed and a strong crop of emerging youngsters on the bench, led by Maxiell and Stuckey. If they underachieve, look for Joe D to trade Sheed or Billups and build around Tayshaun. More likely is a return to the Finals, where they'll lose to the Hornets.

Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32)
Nervous days ahead for Danny Ferry. With Lebron's momentous stay/go decision looming, the GMs big signings lately have been Mo Williams and Lorenzen Wright. Eeesh. And it's difficult to picture getting much more mileage out of Big Z. The guess here is that James stays put but not without seriously considering his options first (think Kobe and the Clips a few years back).

Chicago Bulls (42-40)
Ben Gordon's got a legit gripe. Larry Hughes is making twelve mil a year. Nocioni's getting eight. Pax finally paid Luol Deng (smart move) but appears to be content letting Gordon walk, forgetting that two years ago, Gordon scored more points in the fourth quarter than anyone not named Bryant or James. Rookie Derrick Rose should be good enough to make Kirk Hinrich expendable.

Indiana Pacers (33-49)
Jim O'Brien's offense requires good three point shooters. So the team acquired TJ Ford and Jarrett Jack, neither of whom can shoot a lick. Genius. Danny Granger continues to look amazing next to the plodding Dunleavy and Murphy. The Pacers boast the worst pivot platoon in the league with Foster/Nesterovic/Hibbert/Harrison.

Milwaukee Bucks (24-58)
Where to start? Overpaid for Bogut. Obtained Luke Ridnour to be the starting PG. Drafted Joe Alexander way too high. Additionally, I don't see Skiles and Redd getting along. This front office consistently makes awful decisions.

SOUTHEAST DIVISION
Orlando Magic (47-35)
Despite another growth spurt by Dwight Howard, the Magic will discover they can't rely on PG Jameer Nelson. Hedo and Rashard Lewis will do what they do- make threes in bunches and play porous defense. Stan Van can coach, though, and that ensures them another division title, if nothing else.

Miami Heat (46-36)
With DWade back at full-strength, the Heat will be competitive once again. Beasley will do just fine on offense but struggle to match up with power forwards, infuriating Riley. Props for the James Jones signing- shrewd move. Not so much with Jamaal Magloire. Hey, Riles- how about Marion for Odom?

Washington Wizards (44-38)
Is Gil Arenas healthy? Butler and Jamison will do their thing, as always. The real problems lie with the less-than-stellar bigs (Haywood and Thomas).

*Note: Arenas just had knee surgery AGAIN and will miss the first month of the season- ouch.

Atlanta Hawks (40-42)
Continued progress by Al Horford means they'll vie for that 8-spot again. Losing Childress makes their bench wafer-thin, however. Seriously, name someone on Atlanta's bench.

Charlotte Bobcats (30-52)
Why exactly is Michael Jordan a GM? Expect a bumpy first year for Larry Brown as he discovers that few of the fellas on MJ's roster 'play the game the right way.' Could be some more crying from Adam Morrison on the horizon.

Charles Oakley: From Enforcer To...Chef???

Charles Oakley built his career on the ability to simultaneously intimidate and entertain. Best known for beating the shit out of anyone who laid a finger on Michael Jordan or Patrick Ewing, Oak was like a hockey player on the hardwood, the Marty McSorley of the NBA.

He wasn't that tall (6'9) and could barely jump but was still consistently one of the top rebounders in the league simply because of hard work and desire. Fans loved him for it. His jersey always outsold other high profile Knicks at the MSG store.

His off the court antics were well documented, too. He was particularly fond of slapping people that disobeyed him. Like Tyrone Hill. Or Jeff McInnis. Or Scottie Pippen.

So what's Oak up to these days? Um, apparently he's hosting a low budget cooking show. And if you believe John Starks (I do), he just might have the chops in the kitchen to pull it off.

Little Nate Honored As Cream Of The Crap

Knicks guard Nate Robinson had his jersey retired by the NBA Summer League 'in recognition of his contributions for the past three years', according to NBA.com.

Why the hell would Summer League be retiring jerseys?

Primarily, Summer League's a place for rookies to get their feet wet. It's also where veteran journeymen (holla back, Jelani McCoy) congregate, desperate to nab one year deals as low-paid benchwarmers.

Being in Summer League more than once means you're doing something wrong, especially if you've already got a contract. Being there THREE YEARS IN A ROW means you should be very worried about your job security.

This dubious distinction is the latest wrinkle in Little Nate's increasingly bizarre career. Best known for The Block on Yao Ming and missing 87 consecutive dunks (and still winning!) at All Star Weekend a few years back, Nate seems destined to be one of those talented guys that shows glimpses (like his 45 point explosion against Portland last year) but never quite becomes a star.

This year could be his best chance. Here's why:

Mike D'Antoni will push the ball and play uptempo, which definitely favors Nate and Jamal Crawford over plodders like Mardy Collins and Chris Duhon. Stephon Marbury's probably a goner, either through buyout or trade. With such marginal talent as his competition, there's no reason why Nate won't log big minutes even if he doesn't start.

The Knicks will be total shit this year but maybe, just maybe, Little Nate can be a shining corn kernel in the middle of that monstrous turd.

NOTE: Nate's jersey has since been 'unretired' and taken off the Cox Pavilion wall (thanks, FanHouse). In short, forget you ever read this.