Friday, March 19, 2010

Limping Or Pimping?

An 82 game season is no joke. Even the best conditioned, most well trained athletes in the world can't run for two hours on a hard surface every day of their lives without their bodies breaking down. And that doesn't even factor in all the times they get knocked to the floor or land wrong on an ankle. Or catch a Ron Artest elbow in the neck.

And injuries play a huge part in who wins the title every year, no doubt.

So with the playoffs just around the corner, I looked at the current contenders and asked "Are they limping or pimping?"

CLE Even though Diesel's out for a minute, the rest of their squad's in pretty good shape. Pimping.

LA Kobe's hand probably looks like a catcher's mitt these days but I'd be willing to bet he could play in the postseason even if they had to chop off a finger, Ronnie Lott-style. Still pimping.

ORL Remember when Vince Carter was a guy you could count on to miss at least 20 games? This is his fifth year straight with exemplary attendance. Wait, did I just jinx him? They're pimping.

I don't think they'd win a title even if K-Mart was currently healthy enough to play. And Coach Karl has cancer. Limping. Hard.

BOS Collective Arthritic Reconstructed Rehabilitated Surgically Repaired Limping. The worst kind of limping 'cause it never goes away. Like herpes. Or Jay Leno.

I'm gonna stop there because nobody other than the teams above have a realistic shot at winner winner chicken dinner, right? I'm tempted to include the old-ass Spurs or the never-been-there Hawks or the jump-shooting Mavs but it's 2:30 AM and I'm tired. And this post is pretty fucking lame. G'night, John Boy.

Pictured: Kobe would play with nine fingers, right? No question.

No comments:

Post a Comment