Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Haiku For Every Team

When I'm not busy playing basketball or strumming my guitar, I like to achieve zen by sitting completely still and composing dreadful haikus about the NBA.

Here's a haiku for each team (in the traditional 5-7-5 syllabic format) summarizing their current state and what their future might look like.

Goodbye, Joe Johnson
Enjoy your time in New York
We'll miss you next year

These old creaky bones
Breaking down from all the miles
One last chance to shine

"Play the right way, guys"
Bow down before your savior
Still miss the playoffs

Yay for Derrick Rose!
Why's Del Negro still our coach?
Did I mention Rose?

How to keep a King
Surround him with role players
Win the ring or else...

So many jump shots
Another first round upset
Haywood Jablowme!

Memo to George Karl
You need a center to win
Nene's a forward

Dumars the genius
Signed Gordon and Charlie V
Blame it on Kuester

Golden State
Poor Donny Boozeface
Going out with a whimper
Take Cohan with you

Winning without Yao
Daryl Morey knows his stats
Tough matchup next year

Some dorky white guys
Plus 'overrated' Granger
Equals lottery

LA Clippers
Donald the slumlord
Why do you still have a team?
Run, Blake Griffin, run!

LA Lakers
So bored with it all
Saving it for the playoffs
Just like in '05


There's no future here
Z-Bo's in a contract year
Gay's as good as gone

D Wade needs some help!
Carlos Boozer, come on down
It still won't matter

Wow, Bogut can play!
But he's no Williams or Paul
Yep, had to go there

Hey, yo, David Kahn
Rubio ain't coming, dude
What's your backup plan?

New Jersey
Bro-Pez, the real deal
Jianlian, not so much
Chinese Keith Van Horn

New Orleans
Meka in the post
Not a good way to win games
Should Paul go elsewhere?

New York
"Come to us, Lebron!
Rebuild another loser"
Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.

Oklahoma City
Go, SuperStolens!
Erase the word, 'Seattle'
But still sell their swag

We trust in you, Vince
To play D and take good shots
What were we thinking?

Oh, sure, fire the coach
'Cause that's the problem here, right?
Blow it up, rebuild

Amar'e opts in
Even though they don't want him
Get that money, kid

The future is now
Big deals for Roy and Aldridge
Sooooo, about Greg's knee...

Who's Tyreke's big man?
Ol' tea baggin' Spencer Hawes?
Back to the draft, boys

San Antonio
Can Popozitz win
Without Tim Duncan around?
Do they sign Manu?


Enjoying your shops
And Turkish community,
Mrs. Turkoglu?

No title for Sloan
Why? There's no jazz in Utah
And God hates Mormons

"We've still got Gilbert"
The sound of crickets chirping
And one hand clapping

Pictured: what you get by Googling 'zen basketball.' Yeeeaaaah.

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