Turko-Loser

Portland welcomed him with open arms and deep pocketbooks. The front office and fanbase were positively salivating after seeing Hedo Turkoglu make numerous big plays in leading the Orlando Magic to the Finals. It was supposedly a done deal- he was a Blazer.

Then he reneged on his verbal agreement and headed for Toronto.

Why did he do it? "How could he do this TO US?" Money's been mentioned, and it's true that he stands to bank an additional million or two. The Turkish population of Toronto could be a factor.

Personally, I think it's because he wants to be the second option instead of the third. In Portland, he'd get his shots and touches after Roy AND Aldridge. In Toronto, only Chris Bosh trumps him. They might even let him run point-forward duties when Calderon goes to the bench. He'll still get to initiate offense like he did for Orlando. And he'll still get to pad his stats, because he obviously doesn't give a shit about winning basketball games. Toronto? Please. They now have three of the worst defenders in the entire league in their starting lineup (Calderon, Turk, Bargnani). They'll be lucky to win half their games, even in the Leastern Conference.

So I speak for the entire city of Portland when I say 'Fuck you, Turkish Turd. Fuck you and your lame-ass poodle haircut. Enjoy your long offseasons 'cause you won't see the playoffs again for awhile.'

Pictured: bad poodle, no playoffs!