Sunday, July 12, 2009

Loose Balls- Sunday

*Sheed's signing officially ends the Mikki Moore Era. Huzzah! The Cs just got themselves a good post defender who can space the floor and defend 4s and 5s. Now Ainge needs to remedy the Shitbury Curse and it'll be all good in Boston, providing KG's health isn't an ongoing issue.

*Portland wanted Turkoglu. That didn't happen. Then they missed out on Trevor Ariza while the Turkish Turd was prick-teasing them. So....their new target is Utah backup PF Paul Millsap, a hustle guy who averaged 11/7 as a sub last year. Because of injuries to Carlos Boozeface, Millsap ended up starting 38 games and averaging 16/10 for 30 minutes during those starts. These fluke minutes drastically inflated his value- check out his splits here. Kevin Pritchard apparently didn't notice that Millsap is not, in fact, a starter and offered up 8 mil a season. For a backup PF. Who's generously listed at 6'8. Yeah. I love Millsap but not at that money. You don't pay a guy 8 mil for 20 minutes a game.

*Now that I have absolutely no reason to watch NBATV for three months, it gives me great pleasure to bid adieu to a slew of crappy commercials that drove me batshit crazy this season: that awful Haier electronics ad featuring the worst jingle in history ('We will gooo-ooo haiiii-errrrr'), the Snuggie, ProActiv Zit Cream, Better Basketball featuring the 'best shooter on the planet JJ Redick' (ha!), that slimming shirt/men's girdle from IS Athletics that covers up 'embarrassing body fat,' the Sunsetter Awning, and of course, the Shamwow and its coked up, hooker-smacking spokesdouche. Come to think of it, I won't miss the WNBA, either. Make a fricking layup, ladies!

*Miami GM (and notorious asshole) Pat Riley is playing hardball with DWade, saying the superstar should ink a deal first so that the team has a better chance at signing FAs. Not surprisingly, Wade's stance is that the Heat should get some players not named Jermaine O'Neal on-board before he commits long-term. Ready for the punchline? The team is currently negotiating with Allen Iverson- bwaaahaahaaa! There's NO WAY Wade believes that Iverson is the guy who puts Miami back into elite status. Nice try, Riley. Go read The Art Of War again- maybe it'll give you a tactical solution. Or you could dust off the ol' Ring Of Faith.

Pictured: Riles and Wade discuss who has a bigger ego

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