Loose Balls- Monday

SHITBURY WATCH
The Celtics are now 1-1 with Shitbury in the fold. He was OK in the win against Indianapolis but lousy in the loss to Detroit.

His combined stats in 25 total minutes of action:
4/9 FG, 5 Asst, 2 Reb, 1 Stl, 5 TOs, 4 PFs.
His plus/minus during that span is -1.

That's a lot of turnovers and fouls for a self-proclaimed superstar playing against second unit guys. Youngsters Will Bynum and Brandon Rush both clowned him. Sure, Steph's probably not in game shape yet but this is a dubious beginning, to say the least.

And doesn't he just look wrong in a Celtic uniform? I'm not feeling good about this...


MIKKI MOORE- FAIL
Mikki Moore has never impressed me. When he was a Clipper, I saw him on a regular basis and always thought of him as a big who played small, a modern-day Keith Closs (getting dunked on here and getting his ass whupped here). I'm not sure why Ainge jumped at the chance to nab Mikki instead of waiting on Joe Smith. Prior to last season's Ray Allen and KG deals, Ainge was the worst GM in basketball. It seems he's turning back into a pumpkin before our eyes.

THE ANSWER...OR THE CANCER?
Immediately after trading AI to Detroit for Billups, the Nugs went on a streak that propelled them to a high seed and likely home-court advantage in the playoffs. Detroit? They took a shit and lost 12 out of 16. Just when it looked like they were completely done for the season, AI had to shut it down because of a back problem. Guess what? As soon as he sits, the team goes back to being a juggernaut. Rip scores 32, everyone plays D and shares the ball...it's uncanny how AI's mere subtraction makes that team about 500% better.

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD (OR NOT)
The Hornets are now 4-0 since having Tyson Chandler dumped back in their laps by the Superstolens. It's hard to tell whether he's rejuvenated by the shakeup or just finally healthy (or both), but Chandler's rebounding and blocking shots again. As a result, New Orleans is back to being a contender. Even if they win the title, management will probably jettison him again after the season. That's life playing for the cheap-ass Hornets.

LAST OF THE CORNROWS
Now that AI, Melo and Big Ben have shaved off their cornrows (and officially ended their attachment to wack mid-90s fashion), I'd like to politely ask the same of Jared Dudley, Thabo Sefolosha and Kyle Weaver. Not a good look, fellas. Never was.

Pictured: Axl Rose doing his 'cracked-out Bo Derek' impression.

Aaaaaaaah! Nooooooooooooooo! Shitbury On Celtics Radar!

Both KG and Ray Allen have now given their public blessings to the possibility of adding Stephon Marbury to the struggling Celtics roster.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

Hey, Ainge. You won the title last year, remember? Why would you even CONSIDER adding Shitbury to your championship mix?

Remember this?

How about this?

Or this?


Shitbury should go join Steve Francis in Memphis. He should help that washed up loser teach Gay and Mayo how to be world class douchebags. That makes sense. Or he should go fuck off in Miami, which isn't gonna win anything with or without his sorry ass. But he should NEVER EVER EVER be anywhere near Boston's emerging young point guard, Rajon Rondo.

Do us all a favor and pass on this one, Ainge. Don't forget that two years ago you were widely regarded as the biggest moron in basketball.

Loose Balls- Thursday

HAWKS/CELTICS- WHERE 'HE CHOKED' HAPPENS
Man, what a classic game last night between the Hawks and Celtics. This monster dunk by Josh Smith. Numerous clutch buckets by KG in the 4th. And Joe Johnson missing the game tying free throw at the end, prompting Paul Pierce to walk off the court labeling JJ a choke artist. I really hope these two squads go at it again in the playoffs.

YOU CAN'T FUCK WITH CP
The Hornets/Spurs contest was also spectacular. Every time I see Chris Paul, I�m more impressed. The guy�s a bulldog. He�s barely six feet tall but he plays low to the ground, making him appear even shorter. But don�t be fooled. That low center of gravity gives him the best opportunity to get to any loose ball or mishandled dribble. He broke an NBA record last night by recording a steal in his 106th straight game. He also won a key jump ball against Manu Ginobili (who�s six inches taller, btw) in the game�s deciding minutes. Dude�s a stud.

MILLSAP>BOOZER?
Speaking of studs, did anyone see this double/double spree coming from Paul Millsap? At this point, Utah could afford to let Carlos Boozer leave for Miami and not lose anything at the 4 spot. Millsap�s certainly a WAY better defender than Boozer already. Plus he's not an acne-covered steroid muncher.

Boozer: 'Huh, what?'

Loose Balls- Tuesday

CAVS: FORCE OR FLUKE?
Cleveland's sitting purty atop the Central at 10-3 but a closer look at their schedule shows that they've beaten up on patsies (Charlotte, Indy) while losing to the league's elite (Boston, New Orleans). Sure, they defeated Utah, but only because the Jazz were playing without Deron Williams, Memo Okur and AK47. The Cavs November and December calendar is softer than tissue paper but we'll know after a tough stretch in January that features the Lakers, Hornets and Jazz whether or not Cleveland's legit.

CLIPS/KNICKS: AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
The Zach Randolph for Cuttino Mobley/Tim Thomas trade has apparently hit a snag because of questions over Mobley's heart, SI reports. Certainly the irony isn't lost on hoops fans who've watched Z-Bo meander through eight full seasons of basketball with absolutely no heart whatsoever.

BLAZERS/KINGS GET FUGLY
This article in the Oregonian perfectly sums up the shitfest that was last night's Portland/Sacto 'contest.' Brandon Roy- good. Everything else in this game- putrid. Greg Oden looked completely lost trying to guard the Kings bigs (Brad Miller and Spencer 'Lil' Brad' Hawes) out on the perimeter. And is it just me, or is Lil' Brad pulling a 'Single White Female' and totally stealing Big Brad's look?

Pictured: Big Brad & Lil' Brad jump around against NO

The NBA: Where Belt-Tightening Happens

On the surface, the big stories so far this season are the continued Lakers/Celtics rivalry and the free agent status of superstar Lebron James. But what�s really on everyone�s mind is how the current financial crisis will impact the league long-term. Allow me to indulge is some gloom and doom for a moment�

With attendance dwindling and many small market teams hemorrhaging cash, we might be witnessing the end of the big-spending era where players got 100 million dollar contracts based on potential. The Knicks just basically gave away Jamal Crawford and Zach Randolph for the opportunity to sign James in 2010. According to league reports, as many as 14 teams are lining up to spend their money on Lebron. Yes, he�s one of the best players in the game but he�s also a proven commodity. He�ll sell tickets and help you win games. Practically speaking, that�s a good investment.

Gone are the days when Atlanta would give Jon Koncak 10 mil a season to get 5 points, 8 boards and a block. Gone are the days when Juwan Howard got a six year deal for being Washington�s third best player. In fact, if ticket prices ultimately go down based on poor attendance (makes sense, right?), it�s entirely possible that we�ll see the elimination of the well-paid role player (guys like James Posey or Lamar Odom). To stay profitable, each team would consist of two maxed-out stars and a bunch of minimum wage CBA guys. All those mid-level exception guys would either have to take pay cuts to stay in the league or go look for better deals overseas. Another possibility is that all of the role players play for one-year, non-guaranteed contracts, kind of like the special teams guys in the NFL.

Well paid coaches would probably also get the boot, unless they were winning titles, of course. Mike Dunleavy- gone. Scott Skiles- gone. Rick Carlisle- gone. Now I know this sounds pretty fucking bleak but with the unemployment rate getting higher every day, the average consumer is likely to make cutbacks on spending and I seriously doubt whether even the most hardcore fan would choose hoops tickets over paying the rent.

David Stern, the epitome of corporate douchebaggery, has been frantically trying to set up shop in China so he can jump ship the second it starts sinking. Great leadership there, you prick.

Heading For A Lakers-Celtics Rematch?

I know, I know- it's early. Seven games does not a season make. But seven games DOES give you a pretty good idea of how players are going to mesh and whether or not they'll fit in to new systems and roles. It's also a good sample size for plus/minus and margin of victory. And after three weeks of basketball, it's apparent that last season's finalists, the Lakers and Celtics, are the class of the league. What a surprise. Thanks, Captain Obvious. What IS shocking is how much better they are than anyone else.

LA, the league's only remaining undefeated at 7-0, is absolutely crushing teams. With Andrew Bynum manning the middle, they're currently first in the league in scoring AND points allowed. Unheard of. Obviously, their +18 differential won't hold up for an entire season but I can't recall a start this impressive on both ends by any team since the 72-win Bulls. The difference between this year's team and last? Bynum's improved health and skill level, mainly. But Phil also moved Lamar Odom to the 6th man spot and replaced Luke Walton in the rotation with Trevor Ariza, both shrewd moves that were second-guessed at the time.



Boston's picked up right where they left off, playing stifling D and relying on clutch shooting from Paul Pierce. The Celts only loss off the season was a fluke to Indiana, for fuck's sake. Tony Allen's done an admirable job filling in for the departed James Posey. KG's anchoring a defense that's holding opponents to 39% shooting. Ridiculous.

When you factor in that several key competitors, namely San Antonio and Detroit, have taken big steps backward so far, things are looking pretty good for another Lakers-Celtics Finals. But again, it's very early.

Eastern Conference Predictions 2008/9

The big Qs- Can Boston repeat? Will Detroit rebuild? Does Lebron leave Cleveland? Does Marion get traded? Why did D'Antoni take that job?

ATLANTIC DIVISION
Boston Celtics (55-27)
Losing James Posey will definitely hurt. Don't forget that throughout their march to the ring, Doc referred to Posey as 'the fourth member of the Big Three', whatever the fuck that means. I'm also expecting slippage due to post-title complacency and the Limberger effect of Darius Miles. No repeat here.

Toronto Raptors (48-34)
Did you know that Jermaine O'Neal makes twenty million dollars this year? That's a lot of scratch for a guy who plays the same position as Chris Bosh. I know, I know, it's the East, 'Jermaine can play center.' But he's not a center, right? He's a power forward, and a brittle one at that. Underrated Anthony (Don't Call Me Candace) Parker and Jamario Moon will continue to compensate for the overall suckiness of former #1, Andrea Bargnani.

Philadelphia Sixers (43-39)
Don't get me wrong, I like Elton Brand. I do. But Philly got to the playoffs last year by trapping and running off of turnovers. Not exactly Elton's forte. Also, I can't help but think that having EB down low on offense means less open floor for slashers like Iggy, Thaddeus Young and Andre Miller.

New York Knicks (25-57)
OK, here's where it starts to get ugly. D'Antoni wants to play uptempo but he's got a roster full of slugs. Only Jamal Crawford, David Lee and Wilson Chandler are good fits. Everyone else is available for sixty cents on the dollar. On the bright side, those slugs will get plenty of shots to pad their stats, making them easier to deal.

New Jersey Nets (23-59)
Is Vince Carter really the guy you want around your young, impressionable players? Expect VC to get moved when the Nets drop out of contention...by the third week of the season.



CENTRAL DIVISION
Detroit Pistons (57-25)
Joe Dumars has a reputation for recognizing talent. I'm quite certain that Kwame Brown has absolutely no talent whatsoever. Fortunately, this squad still has Rip, Chauncey, Rasheed and a strong crop of emerging youngsters on the bench, led by Maxiell and Stuckey. If they underachieve, look for Joe D to trade Sheed or Billups and build around Tayshaun. More likely is a return to the Finals, where they'll lose to the Hornets.

Cleveland Cavaliers (50-32)
Nervous days ahead for Danny Ferry. With Lebron's momentous stay/go decision looming, the GMs big signings lately have been Mo Williams and Lorenzen Wright. Eeesh. And it's difficult to picture getting much more mileage out of Big Z. The guess here is that James stays put but not without seriously considering his options first (think Kobe and the Clips a few years back).

Chicago Bulls (42-40)
Ben Gordon's got a legit gripe. Larry Hughes is making twelve mil a year. Nocioni's getting eight. Pax finally paid Luol Deng (smart move) but appears to be content letting Gordon walk, forgetting that two years ago, Gordon scored more points in the fourth quarter than anyone not named Bryant or James. Rookie Derrick Rose should be good enough to make Kirk Hinrich expendable.

Indiana Pacers (33-49)
Jim O'Brien's offense requires good three point shooters. So the team acquired TJ Ford and Jarrett Jack, neither of whom can shoot a lick. Genius. Danny Granger continues to look amazing next to the plodding Dunleavy and Murphy. The Pacers boast the worst pivot platoon in the league with Foster/Nesterovic/Hibbert/Harrison.

Milwaukee Bucks (24-58)
Where to start? Overpaid for Bogut. Obtained Luke Ridnour to be the starting PG. Drafted Joe Alexander way too high. Additionally, I don't see Skiles and Redd getting along. This front office consistently makes awful decisions.

SOUTHEAST DIVISION
Orlando Magic (47-35)
Despite another growth spurt by Dwight Howard, the Magic will discover they can't rely on PG Jameer Nelson. Hedo and Rashard Lewis will do what they do- make threes in bunches and play porous defense. Stan Van can coach, though, and that ensures them another division title, if nothing else.

Miami Heat (46-36)
With DWade back at full-strength, the Heat will be competitive once again. Beasley will do just fine on offense but struggle to match up with power forwards, infuriating Riley. Props for the James Jones signing- shrewd move. Not so much with Jamaal Magloire. Hey, Riles- how about Marion for Odom?

Washington Wizards (44-38)
Is Gil Arenas healthy? Butler and Jamison will do their thing, as always. The real problems lie with the less-than-stellar bigs (Haywood and Thomas).

*Note: Arenas just had knee surgery AGAIN and will miss the first month of the season- ouch.

Atlanta Hawks (40-42)
Continued progress by Al Horford means they'll vie for that 8-spot again. Losing Childress makes their bench wafer-thin, however. Seriously, name someone on Atlanta's bench.

Charlotte Bobcats (30-52)
Why exactly is Michael Jordan a GM? Expect a bumpy first year for Larry Brown as he discovers that few of the fellas on MJ's roster 'play the game the right way.' Could be some more crying from Adam Morrison on the horizon.