Loose Balls- Tuesday

CAVS: FORCE OR FLUKE?
Cleveland's sitting purty atop the Central at 10-3 but a closer look at their schedule shows that they've beaten up on patsies (Charlotte, Indy) while losing to the league's elite (Boston, New Orleans). Sure, they defeated Utah, but only because the Jazz were playing without Deron Williams, Memo Okur and AK47. The Cavs November and December calendar is softer than tissue paper but we'll know after a tough stretch in January that features the Lakers, Hornets and Jazz whether or not Cleveland's legit.

CLIPS/KNICKS: AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
The Zach Randolph for Cuttino Mobley/Tim Thomas trade has apparently hit a snag because of questions over Mobley's heart, SI reports. Certainly the irony isn't lost on hoops fans who've watched Z-Bo meander through eight full seasons of basketball with absolutely no heart whatsoever.

BLAZERS/KINGS GET FUGLY
This article in the Oregonian perfectly sums up the shitfest that was last night's Portland/Sacto 'contest.' Brandon Roy- good. Everything else in this game- putrid. Greg Oden looked completely lost trying to guard the Kings bigs (Brad Miller and Spencer 'Lil' Brad' Hawes) out on the perimeter. And is it just me, or is Lil' Brad pulling a 'Single White Female' and totally stealing Big Brad's look?

Pictured: Big Brad & Lil' Brad jump around against NO

All-Export Team

With all the talk of players headed for greener pastures (and bigger paychecks) overseas, I'd like to single out some players who haven't gone yet but definitely SHOULD.

Introducing the All-Export Team, losers who've worn out their welcome on this side of the pond and need to get their sorry asses to the Euroleague pronto.



Stephon Marbury
Pleasepleaseplease just go to fucking Italy already. Sell your crappy shoes over there. What a douche.

Steve Francis
Spare me the headache of hearing about your latest failed comeback attempt. Go try your luck in Juventut or Maccabi. Or retire gracefully into the waiting arms of Cuttino Mobley.

Ricky Davis
Why would the Clips trade for this guy? Not since JR Rider has there been a player this bad for team morale.

Antoine Walker
I'm sick of his sadsack face. With all his pouting and grimacing, he's like the black Danny Ainge.

Brad Miller
Just seems like kind of a dick, right? Maybe he'd fit in better in Poland.

So there's my starting five. If they were on the next flight out, I'd be a lot happier about putting up the money for League Pass next year.

All-Export (dis)honorable mention: Zach Randolph, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Williams, Erick Dampier, Reggie Evans.