Fooled By The Fantasy

I looooove fantasy basketball. There's something about crunching numbers and poring over stats that scratches an itch somewhere deep inside my brain (gross, sorry). Even before the internets, I'd analyze box scores and see if I could anticipate or predict trends.

That said, fantasy basketball is making it seriously hard for me to have a good conversation with basketball fans about actual basketball.

I end up hearing dumb shit like "Jose Calderon is one of the best PGs in the league" or "David Lee is worth 10 million a season."

Let's consult the roto Big Board of Yahoo's Brandon Motherfunkin' Funston, shall we? Chris Paul is rated above LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. Dirk Nowitzki and Amare Stoudemire are more valuable than Tim Duncan, apparently. Dwight Howard trails the mighty Troy Murphy, for fuck's sake.

Any discerning individual with half a brain can distinguish between roto numbers and how good a player really is. Unfortunately, message boards and sports bars are filled to the brim with fucknuts who take this fantasy shit as gospel. There are people out there who still think Zach Randolph is a good basketball player. I'm not fucking kidding.

"Cleveland will win the title if they add Zach Randolph." I've heard this from more than one person.

News flash. Nate Robinson is terrible. So is Jamal Crawford. Yes, I'm aware they score points and make 3 pt shots. But they're dreadful basketball players. They contribute to losing games with every fiber of their beings.

So I'll congratulate anyone who tells me that they won their roto league because of Murphy and Crawford. Fantasy is fantasy. But don't come talking shit about how the Lakers should be looking to acquire these assclowns, or worse yet, trade an actual quality player for them ("Dude, LA should trade Lamar Odom for Troy Murphy"- STFU).

Meh.

Pictured: Nate and Jose leading their teams to mediocrity

Out Like Trout?

Travis Outlaw played the fourth most minutes of any player on the 54-win Blazers last year. The team frequently turned to him at the end of games when Brandon Roy was doubled. He's gotten progressively better every season he's been in the league. He works his ass off. Everyone on the team loves him.

Yet the brass still actively pursued Turkoglu and Millsap, throwing more money at those guys than Trout could ever dream of. Pritchard is probably on the phone right now trying to deal him for a mediocre backup PF.

Why?

His defense, mostly. Plus, he's been known to take some really bad shots. And with the addition of Andre Miller, one of the deepest teams in the league just got deeper. Dividing up all those minutes is nigh impossible, and people have really tried.

So what's next for Outlaw? Does he continue his upward trend or get buried on the bench behind Portland's glut of wings? Most Blazer fans would prefer the latter. He's become somewhat of a whipping boy, which is a stark contrast from the pre-Brandon era when he was a fan favorite and one of the team's few bright spots (no disrespect to Darius Miles, Zach Randolph and Ruben Patterson- ahem).

In a recent Tweet, Outlaw maintained a positive perspective: "I love all the doubt and negativity...feeding it all to the motivational flames. Keep it coming."

Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem.

Loose Balls- Tuesday

CAVS: FORCE OR FLUKE?
Cleveland's sitting purty atop the Central at 10-3 but a closer look at their schedule shows that they've beaten up on patsies (Charlotte, Indy) while losing to the league's elite (Boston, New Orleans). Sure, they defeated Utah, but only because the Jazz were playing without Deron Williams, Memo Okur and AK47. The Cavs November and December calendar is softer than tissue paper but we'll know after a tough stretch in January that features the Lakers, Hornets and Jazz whether or not Cleveland's legit.

CLIPS/KNICKS: AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
The Zach Randolph for Cuttino Mobley/Tim Thomas trade has apparently hit a snag because of questions over Mobley's heart, SI reports. Certainly the irony isn't lost on hoops fans who've watched Z-Bo meander through eight full seasons of basketball with absolutely no heart whatsoever.

BLAZERS/KINGS GET FUGLY
This article in the Oregonian perfectly sums up the shitfest that was last night's Portland/Sacto 'contest.' Brandon Roy- good. Everything else in this game- putrid. Greg Oden looked completely lost trying to guard the Kings bigs (Brad Miller and Spencer 'Lil' Brad' Hawes) out on the perimeter. And is it just me, or is Lil' Brad pulling a 'Single White Female' and totally stealing Big Brad's look?

Pictured: Big Brad & Lil' Brad jump around against NO