GMs Set To Overspend On Second Choices

We've all spent too much money on something we really wanted.

But imagine if every time you went shopping, there was only one of the specific item you were shopping for. And you were bidding against 30 other shoppers with just as much money as you.

Such is life for the NBA General Manager.

Every GM knows that LeBron James and Dwyane Wade officially go on the market on July 1st. Those two are the big ticket items. Huge contract guys, no question. GMs are ready and willing to break the bank for them, and with good cause. They're both excellent, multidimensional players who are still in their respective primes. They both know how to win in the post-season. They both sell tickets.

Most experts agree that James and Wade will test the waters, solicit some wooing, and then go running back to their current situations to sign max deals at home. They'll also set the market price in the process.

So then you've got a second-tier group of guys like Dirk Nowitzki, Chris Bosh, Amar�e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, David Lee and Joe Johnson. They probably shouldn't be max contract guys but because of the seller's climate mentioned above, it'll take near max money to get them. (Sorry, Dallas fans, but Dirk does not belong in the conversation with LBJ and Wade, he just doesn't.)

It's this second group that will get GMs fired. These 'next best thing' players will have pretty good regular seasons and then get ousted by the league's best players in the playoffs, just like they always do. It happens every season. The GMs know this, too; they know they shouldn't spend max money on these dudes. But they will, anyway. And then they'll get fired for it within three years. Bet.

Look around the league and you'll notice that non-playoff teams are usually paying their highest salaries to guys that aren't proven winners. For instance...

Nets- Bobby Simmons $10,560,000
Knicks- Tracy McGrady $23,239,561
Sixers- Elton Brand $14,858,471
Pacers- Troy Murphy $11,047,619
Wizards- Gilbert Arenas $16,192,080
Grizzlies- Zach Randolph $16,000,000
Hornets- Peja Stojakovic $14,202,000
Wolves- Al Jefferson $12,000,000
Warriors- Monta Ellis $11,000,000
Clippers- Baron Davis $12,150,000
Kings- Larry Hughes $13,655,268

Most of these disappointing and expensive players are no longer with the team that signed him to these bloated contracts in the first place. Now they're just valuable trade chips, expiring contracts, whatever. My point is that your highest paid player needs to be dominant. High paid guys who aren't legit MVP candidates absolutely kill a team. Yet GMs keep paying top dollar for them, anyway.

So why does this keep happening?

Well, GMs can't come home from the shopping spree empty-handed. Fans want them to spend that money to stay competitive, whether it's on the ideal player or not. The Marketing Department needs a new face to put on the billboards. Season tickets need to be sold. So most of these GMs prefer to make a dumb decision instead of no decision at all.

In a couple weeks, two lucky teams will get their money's worth and sign James and Wade. Everyone else will bid against each other for the right to overspend. Good luck, suckers!

Pictured: 23 Million Dollar Man

Calamity Ensues At Top-Secret Player Summit

A sprawling estate on its own tropical island. LeBron James, Amar�e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Jay Z and Drake are seated at a table made entirely of diamonds. A throng of media members and Nike reps surround them with cameras and microphones.

Dwyane Wade enters.

LBJ: What�s up, man? Glad you could make it. Get your jet parked OK?
Wade: Yeah, I put it next to the others.

Wade sits at the table. A sea of camera flashes go off.

Wade: What are all these people doing here? I thought we were keeping this on the DL.
LBJ: Oh, these are just some friends from the media. And my Nike peeps.
Wade: Cool, as long as Stern doesn�t find out.
LBJ: Oh, I handled Stern.
Wade: Handled him? Like you handled Brown and Ferry?
LBJ: Yep.
Wade: Damn.
LBJ: I ain�t playing.

LBJ and Wade share a congratulatory Masonic handshake. Wade notices Jay Z and Drake.

Wade: Hold up- that�s Jay Z! And the dude from the Sprite commercial!
LBJ: Yep, I thought y�all would be impressed so I brought them, too.

Drake opens a Sprite. Jay Z counts his money.

LBJ: OK, let�s get down to business. I�m tired of this losing shit. I want to run with dudes that win titles, not spend their time trying to get with my Mom.

Amar�e, Bosh and Boozer snicker. LBJ gives them a reproachful look. They hush.

LBJ: As I was saying, I�m all about winning. That�s why I gave up on my teammates. That�s why I had my coach and GM killed. They weren�t winners. They didn�t know how to get a ring.

Wade leans in to whisper to LBJ.

Wade: Dog, you know these other dudes don�t have rings, right?
LBJ: Wait, what?
Wade: Yeah.
LBJ: Oh. You got one though, right?
Wade: Yeah. I got one. With Shaq in 2006.
LBJ: The Shaq on my team?
Wade: Yeah. Well, he was on your team.
Boozer: Hey, we can�t hear what you guys are whispering about.
Bosh: Yeah. Whisper louder.
Amar�e (to Jay Z): Can I count your money?
Jay Z: Touch my money and we got problems.

Amar�e backs off. A tense moment. Drake sips his Sprite slowly.

LBJ: Alright, look. Nobody�s touching anyone else�s money. Chill. We�re here to figure out which of y�all is coming to Cleveland to help me win a ring.
Wade: Uh, well�actually I�m here to see which of y�all is coming to Miami.
LBJ: I�m from Cleveland, born and raised. I can�t leave.
Wade: Well I ain�t living in Cleveland, man.

A tense moment. Bosh and Boozer raise their hands enthusiastically.

Bosh: I�ll play in Cleveland. Or Miami.
Boozer: I have a home in Miami.
Amar�e: I�ll go wherever offers the most money. Seriously. I�ll play for the Nets.

Everyone cracks up. Drake does a spit take and sprays Sprite all over Jay Z. Jay Z punches Drake in the face, knocking him unconscious.

LBJ: The fuck, J?
Jay Z: Dude got Sprite on my money.

A puff of smoke and David Stern appears with an evil cackle.

Stern: Well, well, well. What have we here? A secret player summit, I presume.
LBJ: But�but�but�I killed you.
Stern: You can�t kill something that�s already dead.

Stern laughs maniacally.

Wade: Dang, we getting fined like a motherfucker.

Pictured: a toast- to money!

20 Players I'd Rather Have Than Carlos Boozer

I'm no fan of Carlos Boozer. And it's not because I live in Cleveland. Or attended North Carolina. I just happen to think he's one of the most overrated players in the game today. He's a great scorer, yes. He's also a mediocre defender and a me-first guy who's jerked around both organizations he's played for. And he's about to get BIG money from somebody else. With that in mind, here are 20 current stars I'd take over Booz right now.

1 Kobe
2 LeBron
3 Dwight
4 DWade
5 Durant
6 Melo
7 DWilliams
8 CP3
9 Dirk
10 Billups
11 BRoy
12 Pau
13 Amare
14 Bosh
15 DRose
16 Joe Johnson
17 JSmoove
18 Al Horford
19 Tyreke
20 Granger

I admit that these last five are cutting it pretty close. A case could be made that Booz lands squarely at 15 after Bosh. But you'd have to want Boozer on your team to think that way. I don't.

My apologies to vets like Duncan, J Kidd, Nash and the entire Big Three in Boston who are still getting it done (for the most part) but past their prime enough to keep them out of this conversation.

I also considered putting Yao in there but my man's been injured three times in four years. Bad news bears.

Pictured: Booz teaches Yao the inspiring Jazz theme song

Remembering The Cleveland Cadavers

The arrival of Lebron James in 2003 instantly transformed the Cleveland Cavaliers into an organization to be taken seriously. This year, they've taken their status up a notch to elite contender. And the media's drooling all over them. I mean, check out this latest puff piece from SI that slobs all over Cleveland's collective knob.

But anyone older than twenty probably remembers many scenarios where the Cadavers (or Cadavaliers, as they were also called) were the laughingstock of professional sports.

Here's an enlightening look back at the golden Ricky Davis/Darius Miles era.

Pictured: Ricky Buckets and some Cadavers fans



Or who could forget this controversial shaft from Carlos Boozer?

And I can't omit the historically brutal 15-67 squad of 1981-82 'led' by James Buddha Edwards.

Finally, here's Tom Ford, the guy credited with coining Cadavers as a nickname.

Look at it this way: if LBJ leaves for the Knicks in a year, that old, amusing moniker might be back in business.

Loose Balls- Thursday

HAWKS/CELTICS- WHERE 'HE CHOKED' HAPPENS
Man, what a classic game last night between the Hawks and Celtics. This monster dunk by Josh Smith. Numerous clutch buckets by KG in the 4th. And Joe Johnson missing the game tying free throw at the end, prompting Paul Pierce to walk off the court labeling JJ a choke artist. I really hope these two squads go at it again in the playoffs.

YOU CAN'T FUCK WITH CP
The Hornets/Spurs contest was also spectacular. Every time I see Chris Paul, I�m more impressed. The guy�s a bulldog. He�s barely six feet tall but he plays low to the ground, making him appear even shorter. But don�t be fooled. That low center of gravity gives him the best opportunity to get to any loose ball or mishandled dribble. He broke an NBA record last night by recording a steal in his 106th straight game. He also won a key jump ball against Manu Ginobili (who�s six inches taller, btw) in the game�s deciding minutes. Dude�s a stud.

MILLSAP>BOOZER?
Speaking of studs, did anyone see this double/double spree coming from Paul Millsap? At this point, Utah could afford to let Carlos Boozer leave for Miami and not lose anything at the 4 spot. Millsap�s certainly a WAY better defender than Boozer already. Plus he's not an acne-covered steroid muncher.

Boozer: 'Huh, what?'

Team Nike vs Adidas Brotherhood

Everyone knows that Nike absolutely dominates the US basketball shoe market. Adidas is solidly in second place but it's an extremely distant second, like Phil Mickelson chasing Tiger Woods.

The men's US Olympic team is basically Nike's honor roll: Kobe, Lebron, Kidd, Chris Paul, D Williams, Boozer, Bosh, Carmelo, Tayshaun Prince, Mike Redd- all these guys have Nike contracts. Even Coach K has a shoe deal with Nike. Of the entire team, only Dwyane Wade (Converse, which is now owned by Nike) and Dwight Howard (Adidas) are non-Nike members.

Now look at the players Adidas currently has on its roster: Howard, KG, Duncan, Gilbert Arenas, Chauncey Billups, Tracey McGrady, Josh Smith, Leandro Barbosa and Antawn Jamison.


Get where I'm going with this?

I'm saying fuck the Olympics; nobody gives a shit how many points the US beats Latvia by. I WANNA SEE THE NIKE AND ADIDAS TEAMS GO AT IT.

I wanna see a qualifying series, best of seven, and the winner then gets to represent the USA in the Olympics.

The NBA's always talking about 'transparency.' How about some transparency about how our US team is chosen? Instead of selling the public the ridiculous idea that 12 out of 14 members of our 'national' team just coincidentally happen to be represented by the same conglomerate, why not make the shoe companies battle it out for all the marbles?

This will never happen, of course. Nike wouldn't have the balls. And these millionaire athletes would have to admit that their interest in the tournament was as much financial as patriotic.

Boozered Again!

Remember when Carlos Boozeface left Cleveland at the altar to run away with sexy, younger Utah? Well, deja vu! Reports are out that Elton 'B-Movie' Brand is bailing on Baron & the Clips for the greener pastures of Philly. These Duke guys really know how to stab an organization in the back, right? I blame Coach K.



How's he gonna produce movies in Philly?