Loose Balls- Saturday

*You're meeting friends at a crowded bar. You get there first. A large table opens up so you quickly grab it. Your friends are late. Every two seconds someone's trying to sit down or take one of the chairs. You have to protect your sacred space. "I'm sorry but this seat is taken." "I'm waiting for someone." "Sorry, I'm saving these." Everyone thinks you're an asshole. Your friends text you an hour later saying that they're staying home after all but thanks for the invite. This is what the Knicks/LeBron situation feels like to me right now. You, obviously, are the Knicks, and your friends who never show up are LeBron.

*Speaking of the Knicks, apparently they're the front runners to sign washed up has-been Jason Williams. Start planning the parade, Gotham.

*Hakim Warrick is the latest to experience the Tweener Tumble, an all-too-common occurence for power forwards who weigh less than Jamaal Tinsley. Warrick can ball, though, despite his lack of a true position. He was one of the few Grizzlies to play big minutes and still have a positive plus/minus last year. So of course the Memphis braintrust dumped him, leaving Warrick free to pursue his next disappointing stint. It's being reported that he's signed with Milwaukee, another organization run by total assclowns. And get this: they're planning on experimenting with him at small forward, despite the fact that he has absolutely no outside shot whatsoever. Excelsior!

*So Vince Carter wants to 'fit in' with the Magic, huh? Cool. He'll just have to unlearn 12 years of bad shot selection, matador defense and questionable work habits. Piece of cake. Having a laid back coach like Stan Van Gundy will help ease this seamless transition.

*Everyone knew Odom was going back to LA. Everyone except Miami, who played the role of 'hot chick who makes the wife jealous enough to take back the wandering husband' perfectly. Of course, Odom denies that this was the case and says he was 'very close' to signing with the Heat. Yeah, right.

Pictured: Riles, not really selling my 'hot chick' metaphor

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The season's officially underway and already there are a handful of great plotlines developing.

The Good
The Lakers have blown out the Blazers and Clippers and looked dominant in doing so. Their defense has been disruptive, allowing them to get out and run. Also, using Lamar Odom as a sixth man is working out swimmingly so far for Phil Jackson.

Pop's Beard also came out of the gates strong. In addition to covering up his acne, the beard also makes Pop look kind of like Bill Murray (and that's a good thing).

The pic below isn't actually Pop (duh). I couldn't find any shots of his new beard so you'll have to live with this one.



Rudy Fernandez showed he's ready to play right now for Portland. Don't be surprised to see the rook starting soon, moving Roy to point and Blake to the bench.

Paul Pierce and Lebron James continued their burgeoning rivalry with epic performances on opening night.

The Bad
Bruce Bowen in an NBA Cares commercial. Lame. Not cool. If the NBA really cared, they'd suspend Bowen more often for his kicks, punches, trips, pokes and overall douchebaggery.

Speaking of commercials, why is the NBA running their 'where (insert cliche) happens' campaign again? Are they out of money? I want a new campaign, damn it! By the end of last year, that repetitive piano interlude was cringe inducing. Hearing it again on opening night made me want to kill myself.

What's up with Luke Walton only getting four minutes off the bench against Portland? Doghouse?

No Robert Horry to be found. I guess he's retired, officially. Maybe he'll pull a PJ Brown and sign on for a short season with a contender. Be nice to see him back with LA.

The Ugly
Memphis scoring 71 against Houston. OJ Mayo going 5-20. Bet Heisley's glad he traded Kevin Love AND Mike Miller for this kid. When you're getting swindled by Kevin McHale, maybe it's time to quit the business.

Greg Oden's debut was frightening on several levels. For the few minutes he was actually on the court, he looked awkward and skittish, especially on offense. Then, of course, he got injured again. This time he's out 2-4 weeks. Jury's still out on the brittle big man, although my money's on him getting it together in time to win that ROY trophy.

And in closing I'd also like to give a big fuck you to David Stern and his opening night party for the Oklahoma City Super Stolens. Attention, fans of the Milwaukee Bucks (insert laughter here): King Stern has you on his radar. Better build a new arena or the next team stolen might be yours.

Ron Ron for Lamar? Hmmm...

Once again, the talks between Sacto and LA are heating up (says ESPN) regarding a swap of Lamar Odom for crazy-as-fuck Ron Artest. Most of the Laker fans I know personally are strongly against this move, claiming that not only will Artest ruin team chemistry but also totally screw up the flow of the triangle. The way Lamar and Pau moved the ball the second half of last season was truly a thing of beauty and if LA had won the title, this discussion wouldn't be taking place. But after getting punked by Boston, the brass in Lakerland are convinced they need to add toughness and physicality so here we are, sitting on the doorstep of The Artest Era.

Fact: Artest is just as lousy an outside shooter as Odom
Fact: Artest has never been known as a good passer
Fact: Lamar is an infinitely better rebounder than Artest

So what's the attraction? One thing and one thing only- Ron Ron's a bad ass motherfucker. And LA needs somebody other than Kobe that scares the opposition. Artest even scares his own teammates. Since his trade to the Kings, he hasn't played the All NBA caliber defense he's known for but there's little doubt he's still got the ability to do so. Think Paul Pierce would've shot over 60% from the field with Artest in his jersey?