Recipe For A Championship

Every GM should have the same goal: win a championship. Selling tickets is nice and community outreach is commendable but really, if your team isn't winning any rings, you should consider your organization a failure.

So what's the best way to build a championship team? There are lots of cliches out there. "Defense wins championships." "No rebounds, no rings." I studied the DNA of every starter on every champion of my generation and found some interesting tendencies.

PG- So what do Derek Fisher, Rajon Rondo, Jason Williams, Tony Parker, Chauncey Billups, Avery Johnson, Ron Harper, Sam Cassell, Isiah Thomas, Magic Johnson and Dennis Johnson have in common? Good asst/TO ratios.

SG- How about Kobe Bryant, Ray Allen, Dwyane Wade, Michael Finley, Rip Hamilton, Michael Jordan, Vernon Maxwell, Joe Dumars and Byron Scott? Good outside shots and the ability to defend multiple positions.

SF- Trevor Ariza, Paul Pierce, Bruce Bowen, Tayshaun Prince, Scottie Pippen, Robert Horry, James Worthy and Larry Bird? Shooting range and (except for Bowen) good rebounding skills for a wing.

PF- Lamar Odom, Kevin Garnett, Udonis Haslem, Tim Duncan, Rasheed Wallace, Dennis Rodman, Otis Thorpe, Horace Grant, Kurt Rambis and Kevin McHale? Versatile enough defenders to guard post players or step out onto the perimeter.

C- Pau Gasol, Kendrick Perkins, Shaquille O'Neal, Fabricio Oberto, Ben Wallace, Bill Cartwright, Luc Longley, Hakeem Olajuwon, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Bill Laimbeer and Robert Parrish? Everyone can rebound. Most have excellent post games, offensively.

So put these elements together for a second. A PG with a pass-first mentality and good handle. A shooting guard with range who can defend PGs or SFs on switches. A SF with an outside shot who also rebounds. A PF who can defend inside or out. A C who cleans the glass and can score on the block.

Based on that criteria, it looks like Lakers/Celtics in the Finals again, folks.

Pictured: The Hick vs Buck

Places I'd Rather See CP3

Every time Chris Paul dumps the ball into David West for a turnaround J or kicks out to Peja for a spot up 3, I wonder how good CP3 would look in a different offense with more athletic players around him. No disrespect to those two guys (well, some disrespect to busted-ass Peja who should retire NOW), but here are the uniforms I'd prefer to see Chris Paul in:

Lakers
Duh. LA needs an upgrade with Derek Fisher at or near his expiration date and Farmar/Brown not really getting it yet.

Hawks
I know. They already play slow. But Mike Bibby? Yawn. Give me CP3 on the break with Josh Smith and Marvin Williams on the wings. Even Micro-Manage Woodson couldn't screw that one up.

Magic
I don't like this team. At all. I didn't want to include them in this list. But it would be amazing to watch Paul work with Vince Cancer and Dwight Howard. So many dunks. On second though, screw the Magic.

Blazers
Pritchard's wet dream. Paul/Roy/Aldridge. Not the most athletic bunch but it would be exciting. And if CP3 can make Tyson Chandler an offensive threat, imagine what he could do for Greg Olden.

Pacers
This one requires some mental adjusting. Dunleavy and Murphy- out. Brandon Rush and Danny Granger- in. Got it? See how nicely that works?

There are lots of other teams that Paul would make better, obviously. Spurs, Cavs, Celtics- almost any club in the league would rather have Paul than their current PG. But I'm getting really sick of seeing him pound the rock or drive and kick. Plus, he absorbs way too much contact in the Hornets half court sets. After watching Dahntay Jones molest him repeatedly during last season's playoffs, I began to fret over CP3's long-term health. He needs to get out of that offense before someone decides to sweep the leg.

Pictured: Dahntay Jones "getting all Bruce Bowen" on Paul

Russell Westbrook, Meet Steve Francis

Russell Westbrook just completed his rookie season and many experts and pundits are predicting stardom. The explosive 6'3" guard from UCLA put up 15 ppg and over 5 apg while frequently getting on SportsCenter for his highlight dunks and acrobatic forays to the bucket. Few people talk about the fact that he shot under 40% or that his TO/Ast ratio was less than stellar- 5.3/3.3. The team finished 23-59 and was outscored by 6 ppg. Yuck.

When he first came into the league, Steve Francis was hailed as a game-changer- a freakishly athletic 6'3" guard who could dunk on anyone but still needed to learn the nuances of managing an offense and distributing the ball. His rookie season, Francis averaged an impressive 18 ppg to go with 6.6 apg and over 5 rpg. He shot an amazing 45% from the floor, a testament to his ability to finish at the rim. He also turned the ball over 4 times a game, an alarming rate even for a rookie. The team finished 34-48 but nobody in the organization blamed their shining star, who was dubbed Stevie Franchise. You know where the story goes from here. Francis NEVER got the hang of running an offense without turning the ball over. As injuries mounted, his trademark athleticism declined with his shooting percentage. He clashed with Jeff Van Gundy, got traded to Orlando, clashed with Brian Hill, got traded, and finally ended up on that disastrous sinking ship known as Isiah's Knicks. He played 10 games for Houston in 2007/8 before retiring.

I hope I'm off-base with this comparison. Westbrook seems like a much cooler dude than Francis, who acted like a bitch from the second he was drafted (holla back, Vancouver). I was actually happy to see Francis' career crash and burn.

Pictured: Stevie Franchise, riches to rags story

Drinking The Training Camp Kool-Aid

Every coach is happy. Every player is optimistic. Nobody's been benched or fired yet. NBA training camp is upon us and, as usual, people are running their mouths with some ridiculous bullshit. To wit...

*Stephen Curry is proclaiming himself the early favorite for Rookie Of The Year, despite the fact that he plays the same position as Monta Ellis AND that he just shot 30% against marginal talent in Summer League. Somehow I don't think he'll finish ahead of Blake Griffin. Just a hunch.

*Curry's future tormentor, the blowhard drunkard known as Don Nelson, went on record this week as saying that Stephen Jackson's trade demands "won't be a distraction" for the upcoming season. Yeah, right. When in the history of sports has a public trade demand not been a distraction? Have another mai-tai, boozeface.

Pictured: drunk-ass Don Nelson, destroyer of rookies



*George Karl's ego-tripping again, this time bragging that the Nugs are "the team to beat in the West" and adding that "other teams made moves to match us." Hilarious. Karl must be assuming that losing Linas Kleiza, his most consistent bench scorer, and Dahntay Jones, his best perimeter defender, somehow won't negatively impact the team. He probably also thinks that Nene and KMart will stay healthy again. Idiot. Yeah, the Lakers added Artest 'cause they were afraid of you.

*Jerry Colangelo thinks Toronto will win 50 games. With Andrea Bargnani playing center. Yeah. To recap: last year's team gave up almost 102 ppg and let opponents shoot 46% against them. Their big offseason addition was slow-footed Hedo Turkoglu, who's a fine offensive player but can't stay in front of most small forwards, a flaw that's recently been masked by the presence of Dwight Howard (and Tim Duncan before him). They could give up 110 a night.

*Hornets GM Jeff "Golden" Bowers crows about new acquisition Emeka Okafor, calling him a "threat in the low post." Watch some basketball every now and then, dude. Meka's absolutely clueless on offense. He has no post game whatsoever.

*The Lakers are considering starting a lineup of Kobe, Artest, Odom, Gasol and Bynum (sending incumbent Derek Fisher to the pine). Riiiight. Who from that group is going to guard the other team's PG? And you're telling me Gasol has the footspeed to stay in front of PFs on the perimeter? No way this idea works. Horsepucky.

NOTE: Here's last year's version of Training Camp Kool-Aid, featuring D'Antoni describing Shitbury as "one of the best players in the league."

One Pickup Game For All The Marbles

Hypothetical situation here. Let's just say that you (the well-informed fan) and I were coaches who were picking a starting five for one pickup game that would determine which of us survived. Winning coach lives, loser dies. No salary implications or long-term injury concerns. No drafting by position. Street ball- call your own fouls, no FTs, no flops.

One game for the right to keep breathing air.

I'd choose Kobe Bryant first (it's my blog so I get first pick but you get the second two, alternating after that). You would probably choose LeBron James and Dwight Howard. Am I right? Here's how the rest of the top-10 might shake out:

My five- (1) Kobe, (4) Tim Duncan, (6) Chris Paul, (8) Kevin Durant, (10) Shaq

'Your' five- (2) LeBron, (3) Dwight Howard, (5) Dwyane Wade, (7) Deron Williams, (9) Chris Bosh

Nash and Nowitzki are the obvious omissions here. Both are weak sauce on D so I wouldn't take 'em. But you might. And my team would then beat your team.

Ordinarily KG would be chosen for sure but lingering doubts about his health held him back. Chauncey Billups barely missed the cut. And it's worth noting that I drafted Shaq simply to contend with Howard. And like I said, no FTs. Heh heh.

Who'd win? Would you choose differently?

Pictured: #1 overall

Loose Balls- Thursday

*So the Heat brass are taking a pay cut, eh? I'd be interested in checking them books. I seriously doubt Riley Coyote is looking at the same kind of financial pimpslap as Eric Spoelstra. How hard must it be to work for Riley? Dude's bananas. In a league of egotistical nutjobs, Riles is right up there with, well...Michael Jordan.

*Speaking of MJ, I don't think he overstepped any boundaries by spitting some venom during his HOF speech/roast (thanks to Adande for an excellent analysis). As a player, Jordan was one of the biggest shit-talkers in history. There's nothing unusual about Mike being an asshole. What made that speech so uncomfortable and awkward was that once he started trashing people, everyone in that entire room's buttholes collectively puckered up, each person terrified that Mean Mike was gonna start in on them next. In fact, it felt a bit like this.

*Larry Legend's getting ripped in Indiana, even as he assembles the Aryan Superteam that racist Pacer fans have been clamoring for since Ron Ron starting punching people in Detroit. Maybe trading Danny Granger for David Lee would satisfy the locals.

Pictured: Bird's profile shot from Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

Loose Balls- Wednesday

*I went digging around for reactions to AI signing with Memphis. Actually, that's a lie. What I really did was Google 'fuck Allen Iverson' to see who else was peeved that Heisley would sabotage the careers of his promising young players for one season of slightly above-average ticket sales. Weak sauce. First Z-Bo, now this. Does Heisley even watch basketball? Did he see the numbers Conley put up for March and April? Is he aware that Mayo almost won ROY? The folks at Spurstalk express my feelings on the subject perfectly.

UPDATE: I wonder how many fans are gonna fall for this goat rodeo?

*Rubio bailing on Minny for Barcelona doesn't surprise me at all. I've been to both and there's no comparison.

*The league loses Bruce Bowen and Matt Harpring in the same month? Say it ain't so. Who's going to fill that massive void of cheap shots, elbows and flops now that these 'hard nosed' (i.e. dirty) players have called it quits? It's too much to ask of Dahntay Jones. He's just one man.

*And last, but certainly not least, a gigantic FUCK YOU (as usual) to King Douche David Stern for once again overstepping his boundaries by attempting to clamp down on NBA tweeting. First the dress code, now this. The last time I checked, a boss couldn't say shit about what his employees did when they weren't at work.

*Is rehab turning convicted tweeter Michael Beasley into DeShawn Stevenson? Who's gonna be the first to bust out the Urkel Dance?