All About The Weapons

When I was a kid, Converse Weapons were the shit. I rocked the black Celtics high tops; all my friends had the Lakers purple and gold. On the school playground where I played pickup ball, it wasn't uncommon to see an entire court full of Weapons with the occasional Adidas Ewings thrown in there, and maybe a Puma, Pony or New Balance. You didn't see a lot of Nikes back in the day.

Then this whole Nike/Jordan thing happened (check out the broken backboard at 2:32).

Converse never really got their momentum back once MJ stepped on the scene. And now Nike owns Converse so there you have it.

But at least Converse is back to making the Weapons again. Here's a limited edition model they put out for the SuperStolens recently. Goes nicely with the tortilla chip logo, don't ya think?

Pictured: "We dare you to follow our steps"

Remembering The X-Man

Xavier McDaniel was a bad motherfucker. After being drafted by the Seattle Sonics, he famously said 'I'll lose a tooth for every rebound' (and me meant it).

He fought Charles Oakley.

He choked Lakers guard Wes Matthews (pictured).


And he had this memorable cameo in 'Singles', reminding Campbell Scott not to bust his nut too early.

X-Man was on some pretty good teams, too. Along with Dale Ellis and Tom Chambers, McDaniel helped Seattle make the playoffs a few times. When he was traded to New York, the Knicks reached the 7th Game of the Eastern Conference Finals before bowing out to Jordan's Bulls.

X-Man was only an All-Star once but he made a name for himself with toughness and intensity.

Charles Oakley: From Enforcer To...Chef???

Charles Oakley built his career on the ability to simultaneously intimidate and entertain. Best known for beating the shit out of anyone who laid a finger on Michael Jordan or Patrick Ewing, Oak was like a hockey player on the hardwood, the Marty McSorley of the NBA.

He wasn't that tall (6'9) and could barely jump but was still consistently one of the top rebounders in the league simply because of hard work and desire. Fans loved him for it. His jersey always outsold other high profile Knicks at the MSG store.

His off the court antics were well documented, too. He was particularly fond of slapping people that disobeyed him. Like Tyrone Hill. Or Jeff McInnis. Or Scottie Pippen.

So what's Oak up to these days? Um, apparently he's hosting a low budget cooking show. And if you believe John Starks (I do), he just might have the chops in the kitchen to pull it off.

Is Duncan A Pussy?

Big Ben was up for the weekend to help me celebrate my 40th bday. We spent a lot of time watching basketball (and drinking and smoking). Good times.

Big Ben and I tend to agree on most things hoops-related. We each think the '84 Lakers would beat the '97 Bulls. We each concur that Jordan, Magic and Bird belong on the All-Time Team. I think Tim Duncan should be the starting PF.

Big Ben thinks Tim Duncan is a pussy.



He scoffs at the notion of Duncan in the starting five, putting him well behind Malone, Barkley, Rodman, even Bob McAdoo. Now, I know McAdoo was a prolific scorer but no way is he better than Duncan. No way.

Ben hates the way Duncan whines and complains. He hates the way Duncan refuses to be labeled a center, even though he frequently plays center, so he can get into the Hall as a 4. Mostly Ben hates the way that Duncan has thwarted the Lakers time after time, year after year.

I hate that, too. But Duncan ain't no pussy, except in this photo.



Dirk Nowitzki- kind of a pussy. Keith Van Horn was a total pussy. Not to imply that all pussies are white. Mike Redd's a good example of a black pussy. Eddy Curry's a big, black pussy. Yao's a big Chinese pussy. This is fun. Did I mention that I recently turned 40?

Next Jordans

With Kevin Durant firmly in the lead for 2007's Next Jordan nomination, I'd like to point out some previous candidates, nominees and wannabees compared to His Airness by idiots in the press at one time or another.

Grant Hill- With a body made entirely out of balsa wood and construction paper, Hill once got injured eating a sandwich. That's actually a lie, it didn't happen- but you believed me for a second, didn't you? It IS feasible that a sandwich could injure Grant Hill. What a pussy.

Ray Allen- Also a pussy. Spent his career avoiding the lane and shooting ten 3s a game. If anything, Ray Ray turned out to be the Next Glen Rice.

Harold Miner- Baby Jordan dunked a lot at 'SC, then played a total of 47 seconds in the NBA. The only thing Miner had in common with Mike was male-pattern baldness.



Mitch Richmond- The M in RUN-TMC, but certainly no Jordan. Scored 20+ for ten years in a row but usually played on mediocre squads that missed the playoffs.

JR Rider-Expectations swelled when he was killing 'em at UNLV, one 'expert' going so far as to call him the best college player ever. Instead of turning that momentum into NBA stardom, JR decided he's rather roll up his career and smoke it.

Ron Harper- As a high-flying Cavalier, Harper drew the comparison frequently for awhile. Then he blew his knee out. Then he realized he'd been traded to The Clippers and aged fifty years overnight.

Vince Carter- Simultaneously the most athletic and apathetic player in league history. Would be pretty good if he gave a shit. Coaches hate him.

Jerry Stackhouse- I'll give him credit for socking Christian Laettner (Jordan definitely would have done that) but that's where the similarities end. This Tar Heel had neither the handle nor the leadership to make the label stick.

Lebron James- All the talent in the world but his killer instinct is still in question. Can you imagine MJ nervously chewing his nails in a playoff game? Of course not.

Kobe Bryant- A legit comparison, skillwise. Kobe can do all the same things physically but gets too enamored with his own ego-driven agendas. And only in the very beginning of his career did Bryant approach MJ's tenacity at the defensive end.

So bring it, Durant. You've got some big shoes to fill. Or not.