Every game offers more evidence that this year's playoffs are a two team race between Cleveland and LA. The other 13 teams (adios, Detroit) have too many glaring weaknesses to take down either of the Big Two. With that in mind, I'd like to offer up my version of Playoff Truth Or Dare, where I ask the contenders a tough question and challenge them to do something about it. Some of these suggestions pertain to strategy for this year, some are more based on long term solutions.
Boston
Truth: After watching Shitbury put up an abysmal -17 plus/minus in a mere 5 minutes of PT yesterday, can you, Celtics brass, finally admit it was a mistake to sign him?
Dare: Bench his ass for the remainder of the postseason and make do with Eddie House as your backup PG.
Chicago
Truth: Why the fuck are Vinny Del Negro and Del Harris coaching your team? It's like having a caddy that can't tell the difference between a putter and a nine iron.
Dare: Now that you have a star to build around (Derrick Rose), give him a real coach to listen to before he gets all Ricky Davis on your ass.
Atlanta
Truth: Have you noticed that Miami doesn't have a decent center on their roster? No, wise ass, Jamaal Magloire and Joel Anthony do not qualify.
Dare: Instead of jacking up 15-20 3s a game, pound the ball inside to Al Horford. Attack the fucking basket with slashers Smith, Williams and Johnson. Get DWade in foul trouble. Quit being pussies.
Miami
Truth: You're resting your playoff hopes on Jermaine O'Neal staying healthy? Really?
Dare: This offseason, find a big man not named Jamaal Magloire or Joel Anthony.
Utah
Truth: Are you serious about having Paul Millsap replace the almost-certainly departing Carlos Boozer as your PF next year?
Dare: You're not going to win this series against LA, anyway. Start Millsap now and get him some playoff experience so he'll be ready next postseason.
Denver
Truth: Do you honestly believe you can win a ring with a PF (Nene) playing center for you?
Dare: Admit you fucked up and find a way to get Marcus Camby back next year.
Portland
Truth: Do you really think you can win a series playing Steve Blake 30 minutes a game?
Dare: Move Roy to point, play Rudy at 2. AND definitely start thinking about ways to acquire Deron Williams or CP3 this offseason (they both have opt out clauses).
Houston
Truth: Can you admit now that Crazy McLazy actually WAS the reason for all those first round losses?
Dare: Do anything in your power to ensure that he never wears a Rockets uni again.
San Antonio
Truth: Why are you still giving big minutes to Michael Finley and Matt Bonner?
Dare: Take the air out the ball and play half-court, defensive, Spurs basketball. To use the old adage, 'Dance with what brung ya.' Give that PT to Bowen, Udoka, George Hill and Dirty Kurty. Dallas is soft; get physical and give them a chance to prove it.
Dallas
Truth: Do you honestly think you have a title shot just because you're beating the Manu-less Spurs?
Dare: Rebuild this entire roster, Cuban. You'll see in about two weeks (or less) that it doesn't work. Trade Dirk. Trade Kidd. Trade Howard. Start over.
In closing, I should also point out that my predictions for this year's playoffs, particularly the Western Conference, have been pretty horrific so far. I had Portland, New Orleans and San Antonio advancing and two of those three teams are teetering on the brink of extinction. Who knows? Maybe there's a miracle comeback on the horizon. The NBA is where amazing happens, right? I think I just puked in my mouth a little.
Showing posts with label Crazy McLazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy McLazy. Show all posts
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Shocker! Fans Voting Semi-Intelligently
As Lebasketbawl reports here, the latest All-Star voting is shaping up to be the usual popularity contest rather than an actual recognition of outstanding play. This is no surprise to anyone who follows the history of the event. Every year, some over-the-hill veteran who's missed half the season with injuries gets in as a starter because of his proliferation of shoe and soft drink commercials. I like to call this the Annual Grant Hill Award. This year's recipient? Crazy McLazy (pictured).
HOWEVER, the difference worth noting this time around is that the most popular players (Lebron, Dwight Howard, Kobe, Dwyane Wade) are actually posting the best individual numbers while leading their respective teams to sterling records (well, maybe not Wade). So even with the Grant Hill factor, this year's numbers are remarkably accurate. In short, the voters are actually getting it right, for the most part.
EAST
Forwards- Lebron & KG
No argument here, even if Garnett's numbers are way down from his career averages. He's still an All-Star. The only travesty is that Yi Jianlian is a very close third thanks to some major ballot box stuffing by the Chinese. The most deserving omission would probably be Danny Granger, who's currently languishing in eighth place behind the Incredible Shrinking Shawn Marion.
Guards- DWade, AI
Iverson belongs on the All-Star team the way W belongs in the White House. That spot should rightfully go to mild-mannered Joe Johnson, who's carried Atlanta on his back so far.
Center- Dwight Howard
There really is no other reasonable option so the voters got it right, kind of like this year's presidential election (OK, I'll stop with the political references).
WEST
Forwards- Duncan, Melo
Anthony's shooting 43% and has missed the last two weeks with a broken hand. Even before getting dinged, he was being soundly outplayed by Dirk, Amare, Pau Gasol and his own teammate, Nene. Whatevs. At least Melo finally ditched the cornrows.
Guards- Kobe, McLazy
Apparently, Chris Paul and Brandon Roy are less appealing to fans than a wall-eyed cripple who's never been out of the first round.
Center- Yao
Like the East, there is no second choice. Shaq's been OK but it's not right to have a guy on the team who takes a game off every week.
So, out of 10 spots, fans made relatively sound choices for 7 starters. I can live with that.
Now if only the league would do something to make the actual game watchable. Awarding the winning conference home court advantage in the Finals seems too drastic. My suggestion: make it a cash game. Each player on the winning team takes home 50K. Loser gets nothing. Even multi-millionaires would play hard for fifty grand, right?
HOWEVER, the difference worth noting this time around is that the most popular players (Lebron, Dwight Howard, Kobe, Dwyane Wade) are actually posting the best individual numbers while leading their respective teams to sterling records (well, maybe not Wade). So even with the Grant Hill factor, this year's numbers are remarkably accurate. In short, the voters are actually getting it right, for the most part.
EAST
Forwards- Lebron & KG
No argument here, even if Garnett's numbers are way down from his career averages. He's still an All-Star. The only travesty is that Yi Jianlian is a very close third thanks to some major ballot box stuffing by the Chinese. The most deserving omission would probably be Danny Granger, who's currently languishing in eighth place behind the Incredible Shrinking Shawn Marion.
Guards- DWade, AI
Iverson belongs on the All-Star team the way W belongs in the White House. That spot should rightfully go to mild-mannered Joe Johnson, who's carried Atlanta on his back so far.
Center- Dwight Howard
There really is no other reasonable option so the voters got it right, kind of like this year's presidential election (OK, I'll stop with the political references).
WEST
Forwards- Duncan, Melo
Anthony's shooting 43% and has missed the last two weeks with a broken hand. Even before getting dinged, he was being soundly outplayed by Dirk, Amare, Pau Gasol and his own teammate, Nene. Whatevs. At least Melo finally ditched the cornrows.
Guards- Kobe, McLazy
Apparently, Chris Paul and Brandon Roy are less appealing to fans than a wall-eyed cripple who's never been out of the first round.
Center- Yao
Like the East, there is no second choice. Shaq's been OK but it's not right to have a guy on the team who takes a game off every week.
So, out of 10 spots, fans made relatively sound choices for 7 starters. I can live with that.
Now if only the league would do something to make the actual game watchable. Awarding the winning conference home court advantage in the Finals seems too drastic. My suggestion: make it a cash game. Each player on the winning team takes home 50K. Loser gets nothing. Even multi-millionaires would play hard for fifty grand, right?
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